Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Number On The Scale Scares Me

So somehow I'm on week three now of Jamie Eason's program. It is still hurt-y, but I am seeing a few changes in terms of specific muscle tone in my quads and arms.

Here's the thing. There are precious few things I've experienced that are as frustrating as working hard and not seeing results. One of them is working hard, seeing results, but having those results not be in line with your goals. I didn't weigh myself for the first couple of weeks of this program, but I did feel like I was getting fitter and losing inches. Then I weighed myself.


No matter how often we read that weight is just a number, it is a brutal slap in the face for someone who is trying to cut weight to weigh in heavier than when they started. Logically, I know there are all kinds of reasons for this, and I know that I'm not supposed to care about the number on the scale. But I do. A lot. I have a number in my head that I want to achieve because I have been that weight in the last, uh, seven years. Wait, what? When did I get so old?

Anywho, I want to be that weight because I remember going for a bridesmaid dress fitting at that weight and being pleased with how my body looked at the fitting (and yes, I know how superficial that makes me sound).

Here's the big truth: I'm scared to go for a wedding dress fitting and hate how my body looks. That's not how I want to remember that moment. Maybe it's stupid, but it's true. I keep losing and gaining the same ten pounds over and over when my goal weight is another ten pounds under that. It's depressing to think that I won't be able to achieve my goal despite putting in a lot of time and effort.

Am I just missing something?

/sad panda rant

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