Random Act of Kindness #8

So first off, today I opened up my google reader and was summarily humbled by the master.  The Bloggess, one of my personal heroes and the woman who is single-handedly bringing back the word "y'all", has set up a donation system whereby her readers in need of a little help this Christmas are matched up with other readers who send them a $20 gift card.

This is something I find truly remarkable.

In other news, I may have sprained my wrist last night (some guy body-checked me in a soccer game, which no, is not strictly legal), so I've been reduced to typing like my grandma.  Also, I don't remember going to the bathroom being so difficult.

I'd like to say that my RAK was not fighting the guy, but that doesn't really count (he was totally bigger than me).  Also, I'm not  going back to jail  a violent person.

So today when I went to the grocery store (ever tried to shop one-handed?) I noticed a homeless man sitting outside.  This, I maintain, is far more endearing than some people's habits of panhandling directly in front of the liquor store.

Struggling unsuccessfully to put on my backpack without moving my left wrist, and at the same time trying to preserve my dignity (also unsuccessfully) I left the store.  Failing at a skill I had thought mastered in kindergarten, I felt like a cat who has missed the window sill and then is all "what? I didn't even want to get up there".

As I walked outside, for the first time really appreciating the automatic doors, I saw the man again and suddenly I found some perspective.  With considerable determination on my part, I was able to extricate a box of granola bars and offered it to him.  Dark chocolate coconut granola bars.  I like the good stuff.

His face lit up, first in surprise and then in genuine appreciation.  Totally worth a box of granola bars.

Random Act of Kindness #7

Ok, I can't lie to you guys.  This isn't a random act of kindness in the traditional sense.  What it is is a kind bit of advice about goal setting, learned first-hand.  The hard way.

We are now more than two months into this project, and for those of you keeping score, this is only my seventh RAK.  Of fifty.  I swear I've actually done more than that, I just haven't written about them yet.  I'm all like Mother Theresa, promise!

I have a French exam in 2 hours so I'll be brief.

When you're setting a goal, you need to be realistic.  In my youthful naivete, I had thought I could write four RAKs a week.  Turns out, I'm  a jerk  busy.

Ambition is good, but it must be tempered by realism.  Did I really have time to devote four hours a week to this blog, on top of my other responsibilities?  Not really.  Did I want to?  Absolutely.  Am I really that randomly kind?  I don't like your tone.

Picking such an unattainable goal was silly.  I was setting myself up for failure, and every week that went by that I didn't have time to write here I felt like a failure.  I was paralyzed by my own ambition.

What I'm saying here is that when you're setting your goals, remember that it doesn't always have to be perfect.  Sometimes it's ok that your goal just be good enough. 

Don't run a marathon.  Run a mile.  Then lather, rinse, and repeat.

Does this count as an RAK?  Yes, because it's good enough.

Random Act of Kindness # 6

Hello fellow Resolutionaries!   Viva la Resolucion!

So I'm back.  School is done for the semester, so it's time to catch up on some long overdue  sleep   food that doesn't say "easy" or "minute" on it   writing. 

Rest assured, I have been racking up the good deeds.  I am so getting canonized (the Vatican's just catching up with the paperwork).

For my latest hobby (read: procrastination tactic) I've taken up origami.  Which, by the way, is awesome.  Right up until you realize you just folded your title page into a crane.

So while I was "working" in the coffee shop, I took a break (from reading Penny Arcade) to make an origami flower.  The youtube video says it takes five minutes.  Mine took forty-five minutes.

As it turns out, I have the dexterity of a two year old.  Who knew?

Thoroughly absorbed in the task I hardly noticed that I'd gained somewhat of an audience (seriously, I was staring at this piece of paper like I was trying to melt it with my eyes).  Evidently the mother and child beside me were thoroughly fascinated by my efforts.

They made a game of guessing what I was trying to make.  Turns out the kid guessed flower.  On like the third fold.  Because, clearly, she's a witch. 

So when I finished, I gave it to her.  So she wouldn't hex me.

And it made her day.


Besides, the last thing I needed was physical proof of my procrastination.

Random Act of Kindness #5

This one should totally count as like ten RAKs.  Today I went way outside my comfort zone and took part in Not That Kind of Girl's fabulous prisoner pen-pal program


One would think it would be hard to be pen pals with someone in whom I have nothing in common with.  But who knows, maybe if the law catches up with me (I don't have lights on my bike.  I'm kind of a badass) we'll have more in common than I thought!

After browsing through a number of profiles, I finally selected a fellow human being to correspond with.

Here's what I wrote her:

Hi xxxxx!

Last time I checked Hallmark didn’t make cards for this, so I had to make do with what I could find.  So Happy Bar Mitzvah, Grandson!

When it was suggested to me that I check out writeaprisoner.com, I was immediately put off by the number of shirtless men seeking “mailbox romance”. 

Now, I read on the site that they don’t allow Internet access, but let me assure you, I don’t have to visit writeaprisoner.com to find topless dudes! 

Then I stumbled across your profile and my faith was restored.  A real (and fully-clothed) person!

Your profile touched me.  Your writing exudes a strength of character that is both rare and admirable – a remarkableness spirit that I could not hope to match.  Seriously, I get upset when I burn my tongue on my coffee!

I can’t pretend to relate to what you’ve been through, but I DID once walk into a coffee shop and ask the girl behind the counter “What’s your cup size?”  True story.

But enough about me.  How are you?

That is really cool that you want to start a non-profit.  Any ideas what it will be called?

I noticed your birthday’s coming up, and I know they make cards for that! 

Hope all’s well with you.

Keep being awesome!

Grady

This was a really easy way to share a little humanity.  I encourage anyone who's interested to check out NTKOG's penpal program through www.writeaprisoner.com

Random Act of Kindness #4

Today I was walking down the street, thoroughly stumped as to what my next random act would be, when suddenly it hit me.  In the form of a bus.

But Pie!  There's still so much we wanted to tell you.  We were supposed to be together.  Forever.
Fear not readers, the "hit" was metaphorical.  The bus was not.

Also, we're pregnant.
......

So the bus goes by and on it is an ad telling me to text "MEAL" to 45678 and it will give $10 to the Ottawa mission.  Perfect!  I did a good deed using only my cell phone!  And not just by sexting.  (Hello RAK #5)

C'mon Pie, does that really count?
Does my monthly donation to Greenpeace count?  The answer is Hell Yeah it does!  What?  You guys don't make the rules.

So here I am on my way to buy groceries and my next RAK literally (metaphorically) hits me in the face!  Evidently god is speaking to me.  Again.  (I haven't been taking my meds)

I should have my own holiday.

Random Act of Kindness #3

Today's RAK is a little different.  Rather than focus my energies on strangers (who might turn out to be jerks anyway) I decided to be kind to someone close to me -- my mother.

BTW, she totally follows my blog.  And kindly ignores the sex jokes, binge drinking and variations on those two themes.  Which is to say most of it. 

Anyways, here is the letter I wrote for her:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for your  genetic contribution     unconditional love.  It would be impossible to count all the wonderful things you've done for me over the years.  BUT, I like a challenge.  So here goes...

Things to thank you for:

Your nose.

Buying me a talking ninja turtle. 

Not taking away the talking ninja turtle.

Buying spider man bandaids because they totally work better.

Unplugging the Nintendo.

Raising me, my sister and two dogs single-handedly.  And making it look easy. 

Teaching me how to shave.

Just rolling with it when I shaved my head.

Buying me a classical guitar even though I used it to play punk music.

Pretending you liked punk music.

Knocking.

Giving me my first box of condoms.  Trogan Large.  At Thirteen.

Pretending the walls in our house were soundproof. 

Being right most of the time.

Not bragging about being right most of the time.


In short, you are like, awesome and stuff.  I love you.

Random Act of Kindness #2

So after the success of RAK #1, I decided to get even more ambitious.  I walked next door to my neighbour's house and offered to walk their dog for them.

Please, don't think of me as a hero.

Anyways, "Bodie" is an adorable Australian shepherd puppy.  He comes up to about knee height but could probably jump clear over me if he were so inclined.

Wait, are you saying you offered to play with your neighbour's puppy?  For FREE?

That's right.  Because I care.

My neighbour was actually quite surprised by my offer:

"You want to take Bodie?  For a walk?  Bodie?  Walking?"

"Um... Yes?"

Bodie watched the whole thing go down with that curious puppy head-tilt that was so adorable it belied his fiendish intelligence.  He waited patiently by the door.

After a thorough briefing slash agreement of zero-liability, in which the words "he's a puller" and "uncatchable" featured prominently, Bodie and I took to the streets.

As we neared the end of the block I made to go right, towards the park.  Bodie assured me, emphatically, that this was not in fact the way to go.

Fair enough pup, I'll play your game.

Before we go any further, it should be noted that Bodie does not "walk" in the literal sense.  His is more a canter, which is liable to explode into a full run should a cat, squirrel, or friggin' leaf dare to move in his presence.  His determined gait makes it clear that this is no mere "walk" but something akin to a death march: you fall behind, you get left behind, human.

After several minutes of twists and turns, I am now thoroughly lost in my own neighbourhood.  Rounding a corner, we reach the park.  I still don't know how.

Eager to burn off some of this pup's energy (oh my youthful naivete), I picked up a nearby stick for a game of fetch.  Lobbing it across the field, Bodie found his fifth gear and chased after it.

Unfortunately, Bodie has mastered this game; in that he now knows if he gives the stick back to you, you'll just throw it away again.  Humans can be so silly.

Given the combination of Red Bull and steroids that my neighbours must be feeding him, it took a long time to catch him.  Evidently he has also mastered "chase".

After what felt like (and probably was) hours, I returned a perfectly content and innocent-looking Bodie to his rightful owner.  Then I went home for a much needed bubble bath  for a beer all manly-like.

And you know what?  I think I'll do it again.

50 Random Acts of Kindness

When I was approached to write for this blog, I had not fully appreciated the magnitude of the request.  I racked my mind for days to come up with a resolution, yet somehow "I resolve to keep being awesome" seemed too  arrogant  easy.

Now I know what you're thinking:
But Pie, how do you improve on perfection?

Alas, dear friends, this is my burden.  I have no real vices (except pie, caffeine, and pie.  Seriously don't touch my pie I will fight you) and I already have a killer bod (experiences may vary). 

Then it hit me.  I should spread some of this awesomeness around.  Give back to the community.

Again, I know what you're thinking:
But Pie, it's too cold to walk around topless!

And you're right.  So I came up with the next best thing: over the coming weeks I will perform no less than 50 random acts of kindness.

RAK #1

Strolling into my local coffee shop, I decided to buy coffee for the next person behind me, whoever it should be.  Now this was a ballsy move, considering yesterday's debacle.

Thankfully, the next customer to walk in was a charming young mother with a stroller.  Or a baby thief, I never did check.  While she seemed genuinely surprised, she graciously accepted my offer to buy her coffee.

It went down like this:

Me to cashier: "I'd like to buy this nice woman's coffee please."

Young Mother: "Oh!  Well thank you.  I was going to have a tea actually."

Me: "That wasn't part of the deal."  What? I'm new at this.

YM: "Oh... well I guess I could have a coffee."  Damn straight.

And you know what guys?  It felt good.  She was genuinely appreciative, like her faith in humanity had been restored (the coffee really is that good). 

Oh!  And I got TWO stamps on my coffee card!  Score.